Know The Signs

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My first ever blog. 

"Possessive and Controlling”. Two traits you never want to hear that are true about your partner. 

It took me almost a whole year to realize what type of relationship I was in. It didn't matter how many times I tried to deny it, the truth kept coming back up, I was in a completely unhealthy, controlling relationship. Over time he kept chipping away at me, he kept taking away qualities I used to love about myself. He took away my self-worth. I was no longer myself. I was his. It takes a lot of courage and strength to walk away from a boy you once loved. Believe me I tried walking away 9 times and was never strong enough to follow through. 

Ladies my advice to you is to get to know the guy you are dating before jumping into a relationship where you will no longer have a say in what you do or believe. 

I loved this guy deeply, I ignored all of the signs because I never wanted to believe that they were true. I wanted our relationship to work out so badly that I denied my friends comments of "he is controlling you, he no longer lets you do what you love to do in life, he has changed you." The worst feeling every is constantly sticking up for someone who everyone all along has told you they aren't who they say they are. 

This is what I feel for.... 

-His world revolved around mine. He no longer had friends of his own, he completely kicked his friends to the curb. My friends were now his friends. I was the center of his world and he wanted me to be the center of his (after only 1 month of dating). Everything I did, he had to do it too. 

-"You are the center of his world". He told me he doesn't need any other friends or social connections because he has me. He wanted me to say the same thing back to him. This showed that he resented and was jealous of all my friendships I had with people. 

- I was never allowed to have fun "without him". He made me feel guilty for having a good time with my friends or family when he wasn't there. This slowly turns into "you are not allowed to go out with your girlfriends without me."

- He wanted to be a part of every decision I made. Whether it was choosing Taco Bell or Chipotle for dinner or choosing Ohio State or University of Cincinnati for grad school.  If I chose to do something he did not approve of he acted as if the world is over and acted as if it is my fault and I don’t “respect him enough to consider his input in my decision”.

-His possessiveness was love. Every controlling factor I would point out on him, he would come back and say "is this what I get for loving you so much"? That is not true love ladies. 

- He was constantly angry, whether it was school, his dad, his brother, his roommates or something you did, something was always causing him to be in an outrageous mood towards me. He was constantly yelling at me, everything was my fault, I did everything wrong, he was an angel in his eyes, nothing he ever did was wrong. He wants to fight with you every chance he gets.

- Making plans without his permission. It started out small but eventually grew big. Suddenly I found myself asking him for permission on every move you made in life. "Is it okay if I babysit this Saturday"? …” Is it okay if I go shopping with my mom this afternoon’?

- He told me how much he disliked my friends. Nothing my friends did were right in his eyes. He wanted me to see that he is the most perfect person in my life and everyone else will let me down in life, except him. He made a point of it and made sure I saw it. He tried to sabotage my friendships so I would have no one else to hang out with…except him. 

- He tagged along in everything I did. Even without an invite, he tracked me down somehow and invited himself to whatever I was doing. 

All I have to say is thank you. Thank you for making me a stronger person, for realizing that I deserve a guy who accepts me for me and does not need to "change" me to become their property. 

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